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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
| Released |
17 October 2014 |
| Director |
Jonathan Liebesman |
Starring
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Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fichtner, Alan Ritchson, Noel Fisher, Pete Ploszek, Johnny Knoxville, Jeremy Howard, Danny Woodburn, Tony Shalhoub, Tohoru Masamune, Whoopi Goldberg |
Writer(s)
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Josh Appelbaum, André Nemec, Evan Daugherty |
Producer(s)
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Michael Bay, Ian Bryce, Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller, Scott Mednick, Galen Walker |
| Origin |
United States |
| Running Time |
101 minutes |
| Genre |
Action, adventure, comedy |
| Rating |
12A |
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Half-baked in a half-shell.
The theme song for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film (now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d write) is called 'Shell Shocked'. Terribly clever wordplay from Juicy J and Wiz Khalifa to be sure but also an accurate description of the mental state I entered while watching said film. The barrage of noise, chaotic imagery and general weirdness is enough to make anyone with half a brain develop a thousand yard stare.
As a child of the ‘80s I am more than familiar with the concept of the cartoon and thankfully, we are spared the full origin story treatment here. Instead, we meet the Turtles in adolescence as they are about to embark on their crime fighting career, backed by their “father” and sensei Splinter (human sized ninja rat). New York is being plagued by a crime syndicate known as the Foot Clan and the police seem powerless to stop their rampage. On their case is rookie reporter April O’Neill (Megan Fox). One night, when tailing the Clan, she witnesses a counter attack from the Turtles. O’Neill and the Turtles join forces to investigate the nefarious plans of the Foot Clan and their sinister leader, Shredder (Tohoru Masamune).
The film may be directed by Jonathan Liebesman but the spectre of producer Michael Bay hangs heavily over the dizzying action choreography and tedious wise-cracking. If you’ve seen any of the Transfomers films, you’ll know exactly what to expect. Sitting below this formulaic surface though, the film is a pantomime of weirdness. The Turtles themselves, a mixture of motion capture and CGI, are deeply creepy, their leathery skin punctuated disturbingly by a full set of human teeth. Then there is the cringe-inducing innuendo, for example when one over-excited Turtle exclaims, "She’s hot - I can feel my shell tightening!" The object of this disturbing dialogue is Megan Fox, who has been allowed to put on more clothes than usual but is still mostly required to pout while breathing heavily.
So who is the target audience for this queasy mixture of cartoon violence and cross-species flirtation? Anyone who remembers the Turtles from the first time around will probably struggle to maintain interest and hold down their lunch. I can only hazard a guess that the cowabunga based dialogue and frenetic action sequences will be most suited for eleven year old boys.
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Linda O’Brien |
