The Expendables Released 20 August 2010 Director Sylvester Stallone Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgen, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts Writer(s) Dave Callaham, Sylvester Stallone Producer(s) Avi Lerner, Kevin King Templeton, John Thompson, Robert Earl Origin United States Running Time 103 minutes Genre Action, thriller Rating 15A

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All the muscle...

It's hard to critique a movie like The Expendables intelligently, as it's not one for complex plots or deep, soul searching moments. A movie such as this- basically a bad-ass '80s-style action movie- is made to do exactly what it says on the tin. And what's that exactly? Well anyone that's seen any Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis (etc) movie knows that it's to blow shit up, kick ass, and take names. Which it does with beautiful, explosive and bloody aplomb. A testosterone-fuelled dream, this movie is the real A-Team of action heroes, and surely the most hotly-anticipated action movie of 2010, if not the last few years.

Written, directed by and starring Sylvester Stallone, the heavyweight of blood-spattered fireworks, the movie has more muscle than you can throw a stick at. Jason Statham is there as the modern-day action hero (as questionable as that may be), Jet Li as the martial arts superstar, and as the extra bulk, Dolph Lundgren, Steve "Stone Cold" Austin, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews, who's colossal muscles are almost as big as his fearsome and beloved gun. Not forgetting of course, the cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Mickey Rourke, who has the unusual ability to double as a credible hard-man/action star and an acting tour-de-force. Unfortunately the cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnie are just that, as they appear in only one scene and don't join the action again. However it has to be said that seeing these guys; Arnie, Sly and Bruce on screen together created quite a stir- as Arnie walked in I felt a collective intake of breath, and the cheesy Hollywood jokes made the cinema aisles erupt in laughter- out of pure, unadulterated, childish excitement.

And so to the plot, which as I'm sure you may have surmised at this point is not really all that important. The Expendables are a crack team of honourable hitmen who battle Somali pirates, fight Serbians in Bosnia, and generally fly around the world blowing up bad guys and saving innocent people. Sly leads this team with his right hand man Lee Christmas (Jason  Statham) while Tool (Mickey Rourke), now too old to do anything but bed hot blondes and top up the guys’ tattoos, stays behind to offer words of wisdom when necessary to his old comrades. The team are offered a mission by Church (Willis) to overthrow a brutal South American dictator, and Barney (Sly) and Christmas travel to Vilena to meet with their contact, a beautiful, sultry and rebellious Sandra (Giselle Itie). It soon becomes apparent that there's another boss in town, an ex-CIA agent gone bad (played by Eric Roberts) who's controlling the dictator by means of cash and a drugs running business. So it's up to the team of Sly, Statham, Ying Yang (Jet Li), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) to take down James Munroe (Roberts) and his two meat-head assistants, a whole army loyal to their leader General Garza, and restore order in the country by obliterating half of it ; all while saving the beautiful Sandra who's been water-boarded and beaten in her efforts to help her besieged country. All in a day's work for the guys, and we're treated to some awesome scenes of  triggers pulling, machine guns blasting, heads decapitated, broken limbs, slashed throats, and big, big explosions.

So all in all, the movie gives us all we wanted and should have expected. Yet there are a few big glaring errors that left me feeling a little disappointed as I made my way out of the cinema. Firstly, Mickey Rourke was clearly the best actor on the bill here, and though nobody expects to be blown away by acting in a brainless movie such as this, why have someone of his calibre, in my opinion one of the greatest actors around today, when he's just going to be pushed to the side? Then there's the issue of having a martial arts hero, Jet Li, and not giving him any fight scenes. Sure, there's one scene between him and Lundgren which is bone smashing and head-thumping in its intensity, but it's a shame that this is the only chance he gets to really shine- the guns and chaos of bombs are lost on someone as skilled as Li here. It's rumoured that the Muscles from Brussels, Van Damme, was originally earmarked for the role of Gunner Jensen (Lundgren); now that would have been a fight scene worth getting in a tizzy over. (Maybe 'The Expendables 2' will offer us this, judging on the money already taken in for the opening weekend in the States).

Finally, a lot of the movie actually centres on the relationship between Sly and Statham, and their respective love interests, which adds nothing to the movie but slight impatience, as we wait for the next action scene. And lets not kid ourselves, we don't look forward to seeing Sly on screen for his ability to move us. If these few issues had been addressed, this movie could have been a great movie to add to the genre. Nonetheless, it still provides enough entertainment that I'm sure most people will go home happy, and not question the obvious silliness of the whole movie. The Expendables- does what it says on the tin.

- Eadaoin Browne